LAST OF A SIX-PART SERIES
Published in the Aspen Daily News
By Allison Daily
Grief is a complicated, five-letter word.
I met Kaid Neislanik shortly after his father’s passing. From the outset, it was clear how deeply mental health struggles affect not just individuals but entire families. Living with someone grappling with mental illness is difficult; living with it oneself must often feel impossible.
Matt Neislanik was a strong, kind-hearted cowboy who worked hard and deeply loved his wife and two sons. His passions were the land on Prince Creek Road in Carbondale and the rodeo. Like many, Matt faced his share of challenges, battling depression and anxiety. He turned to alcohol to manage his inner struggles, but he remained a good man, earnestly seeking peace. Ultimately, his mental health struggles overwhelmed him, and he took his own life.
Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey, and watching someone you love struggle with mental health without being able to intervene adds another layer of pain and helplessness. For Kaid, losing his father was not just about losing a parent, mentor, and his closest ally. It was about losing a hero who taught him to respect the land, care for animals, and manage countless ranching responsibilities. It wasn’t until his father’s passing that Kaid fully realized how much he had learned.
As a grief counselor, my connection with clients is often intense, delving into pain and emotions that span years. Meeting Kaid and his family brought an immediate connection. I had lost my brother to suicide and felt our paths had crossed for a reason. One tool I share with clients is writing letters to their lost loved ones filled with regrets, pain, fears, and love. Kaid has embraced this practice, allowing it to bring his father closer to him. When he’s at college at the University of Colorado and needs time alone, he journals to process his feelings. I admire his willingness to honor and love his father while also respecting and navigating his grief journey.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline.
“It shows up unexpectedly, and its weight can feel unbearable.”
Kaid has shared how, at times, he is overwhelmed by memories or his dad’s absence in pivotal moments. Kaid misses his dad every day — for everything they shared and everything he’ll never get to share with him. Through journaling, conversations, and moments of reflection on the family ranch, he honors his father’s memory while taking steps to care for his mental health.
When Kaid is home, we meet and talk. He shares memories of his dad, opening his heart to the raw and real emotions of missing him. Kaid also wants to help others. In a recent column, I wrote about a family who lost a child to drowning. Soon, I’ll take two young siblings to the Neislanik ranch, so Kaid, his brother, and their mom can share the ranch and their grief journey. In this sharing, each person will find something to take with them — most importantly, the understanding that they are not alone in their grief.
Kaid’s journey is a testament to resilience. He honors his father by carrying forward the love, skills, and values his dad instilled in him. When he’s home on the ranch, he wakes daily, searching for his dad’s presence in the land he left behind. Kaid has chosen to let his grief guide him — to become a better man, to care for his mental health, and to be a source of support for his mother and brother. He chooses love and honor daily, just as his father taught him.
In the end, grief and mental illness remind us of the profound challenges so many face — both within themselves and in their relationships. Kaid’s story is a powerful example of how love, resilience, and connection can help carry us through even the darkest moments, offering hope and healing.
Allison Daily is the Executive Director and Head Grief Counselor of Pathfinders.
PART FIVE FOLLOWS....
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